dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
