She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
