she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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