I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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