Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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