hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize