i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
