threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
