Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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