tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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