You just made me feel so damn special
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
