you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
