wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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