I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
