If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
