My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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