Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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