my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ruined the universe
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
