Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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