i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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