the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
