I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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