Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
