I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
