I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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