Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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