I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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