There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
