I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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