You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
