I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
