I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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