was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
