so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
