Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
