i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
