I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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