What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
