he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
