Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
