Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize