can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think my vagina is haunted
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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