You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
