I love black thongs
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize