I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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