The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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