um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
