last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
