Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I currently don't understand fingers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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