Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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