Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
