last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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