you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
