Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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