You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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