my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
