I can tuck mytits in my pants
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
