I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And then he peed in my hair
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