Apparently you make a good broom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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