we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize