This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
