she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
