I wanna passion pit in your ass
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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