That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize