Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
