Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
