where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
