My room smells like vodka and shame
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
