So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
worst night to have a conscience
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
