I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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