I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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