Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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